The good and the ugly ...about Valentine's Day...and how we can rescue it.

 

Whoever thought of coming up with a day to celebrate love did us a big favour.

They gave us a day to remind us to pause and appreciate

the most important people in our lives: our partners, children, parents and friends.

Of course we've turned it into a solely romantic affair –

which is a shame because there many forms and shades of love –

but that’s a story for another day.

 

The other good thing is that it has created many artifacts and memorabilia

that have enriched our gifting culture.

I have kept a stock of most of the cards ever given to me, each, a memory and a story. 

Looking at them tells the story of my life

and those who have populated it with kindness, care and generosity.

Looking at them reminds me not only who had been there for me, 

but also what they saw in me, and what I have become as a result of it

 

The stories and rituals surrounding Valentine help us feel and acknowledge one fact –

That we all suffer from a deficiency of love;

That we all crave to be seen, heard and loved;

That there's nothing like too much love;

That we almost always don't receive as much love as we need and want;

And neither do we give as much as we can and should. 

Truth is, no one ever died or got sick by giving or receiving too much love.

 

At a deeper philosophical level,

Valentine can help us get less corny and less full of ourselves.

It can temper our individualism, egotism and selfishness

by reminding us that we are all love's children, each one of us.

Every religion is predicated on the fact that we are here,

not out of our own choice and will,

but rather, out of the love and generosity of higher powers.

Even if you are an ardent atheist, you must, at some point,

marvel at the miracle of how life has evolved, through millions of years,

and the sheer improbability that, out of hundreds of tiny sperms,

and the dangers that attend pregnancy and childbirth,

a life came forth, and grew up, into this stupendous being,

with immeasurable potential and ability. 

Imagine that!

We are not only lucky and loved, we are also love incarnate.

Our whole being is full of love. We are oozing it from every pore.

The first instinct for a newly born baby is to embrace life, for all it's worth.

Their first instinct is to suckle and smile.

And when they cry, it's not out of fear, but out of hunger and discomfort - a cry for love.

If you unclench their tiny hands,

their instinct is to hold and wrap their fingers around yours.

They don't pull back even if you are a total stranger. 

It's only much later that they come to learn of fear and hate.

That's why this 'Thought for Sunday' we shared a little while ago struck us deep.

It tells us what we already know intuitively, but have forgotten in our lived experience –

that we are love, and it’s needless to crave for, and seek it, from outside ourselves.

What we need, instead, is to give and share what’s already inside us,

as much as we can, in all the ways we can.

 

In fact, numerous studies have shown this to be the 'secret' to happiness –

that happiness is a state of being, rather than something you attain;

that it arises from gratitude

and the belief that we are not only immensely lucky, blessed and rich,

but that we are also enough as we are,

and need no affirmation or acceptance from others;

that kind people

and givers (with no expectation of reward) are, often, the most happy people;

that knowing and acting on our strengths with patience, persistence and consistency

is the key to reaping the compounding effect that results in success and fulfilment,

even for people of average ability.

 

So, why does our world suffer a love deficiency?

Because we've chosen to erect walls and barriers against it.

Because we approach life with a clenched fist.

Because we choose transactions over generosity –

what has been given to us free and freely, we've chosen to sell, or give, conditionally.

 

Have you ever tried to love your children conditionally –

that they must do, or be, or act in a certain way before they receive your love?

How did it go? And how is your relationship going?

Unfortunately, this is how we came to give love and valentine a bad name.

Not only have we made it a solely romantic affair,

to the exclusion of all other forms of love,

but we have also saddled it needlessly,

with unwarranted expectations and conditionalities.

This is what we had to say in one of our recent posts:

"Here’s the truth. Most guys find Valentine a little stressful. Sentimentalism and commercialization has fueled high expectations that are difficult, if not out rightly impossible for most people to meet, making Valentine’s Day a source of conflict and division, rather than one of romance and connection. Yes, you truly love and treasure them, and you want to surprise them and give them a special treat. But at what cost? How do you even enjoy the moment when you are feeling like you've been ripped off?"

Now what? You may ask.

We certainly don’t claim to have all the answers,

But we can begin by appreciating the nature and importance of valentine.

This is what we had to say in this week’s ‘Thought for Sunday’.

“The ‘what’ is the ‘why’. It’s the reason you are in it. The answer is very revealing about us and our motivations ...about them and their innate nature ...and what we will (or should) be celebrating this Valentine. The ‘who’ may change or grow old, but our ‘why’ rarely changes. It’s our fuel ...the thing that keeps us in it.

Just like our careers and businesses, it’s difficult to sustain any relationship unless you have a strong ‘why’. ...Knowing ‘why’ you are in it is the first step to taking reins over your love life."

Second, we can resist the temptation to make love celebrations a once-in-a-year ritual

like Christmas Day.

We can opt for little, continuous, love gestures,

even when they go unrecognized and unappreciated.

And finally, we can ignore and shun the noxious, commercialized and sentimental version 

that our culture keeps feeding us.

We, who know better, must play our part in untethering and freeing love

from the binds that modernity has tied it.

That’s the reason we came up with two standing offers,

To enable you celebrate love, any time of the year, whenever you feel like it.

1. 5k/cottage/night: this includes a themed cottage plus breakfast for two.
2. 10k/cottage/night: this includes a themed cottage, a personalized cake, a bottle of wine, dinner and breakfast for two. 

We hope and trust you can find one that meets your needs. 

Happy Valentine dear ones.

We wish you deeper connection in your key relationships this Valentine.