Words that caught us: What would you like your kids to know? (Part 1)

 

It is said that the best thing

We can do for your kids,

Is not to give them everything we didn’t have,

But to teach them

What we wish we knew, when growing up.

 

Think about that for a moment.

 

What is the most insightful thing,

That you know today,

That you wish you had known, growing up.

 

Here are a few things from us...

The first is repetition.

Yes.

Repetition.

Or, as it is called in business, 

Iteration and pivoting.

 

No one ever told us, or taught us

That repetition is the song of life –

That no one knows anything, for sure;

And that we are all groveling in the dark,

Trying to figure out what works,

And what doesn’t;

And that we learn all that, through repetition,

And honouring imperfect progress.

 

We were raised knowing that

We have to get it right the first time.

We were taught to aim for, and expect,

A perfect score in everything, every time;

And that that’s the only thing that mattered.

We were raised to feel shame and embarrassment,

With every failure,

With every imperfect progress,

In every moment, when we didn’t know what to do,

Or, when we were uncertain and unsure.

 That’s why we were hesitant to raise our hands in class,

If we didn’t know the answer;

And, unfortunately,

We carried this attitude into adulthood.

 

No one told us that the secret of life

Is in experimentation and curiosity;

And that it was ‘okay’ if some of those experiments

Turned dud.

 

Think about it.

 

How does one become an expert?

How does a chef achieve a Michellin Star?

How did Messi become so deft with his left foot?

How did so and so become such a good artist?

How did so and so break the glass ceiling?

 

How do you know your business idea will work?

You don’t.

How do you know that something

You just posted online, will go viral?

You don’t.

How do you know that tomorrow’s presentation

Will be your best,

And the breakthrough you have been waiting for?

You don’t.

How do you know your marriage will last?

You don’t.

None of us does.

 

You just keep trying!

 

It’s all experimentation and repetition.

If it works the first time, great.

If it doesn’t work, no problem.

No embarrassment. No shame.

Just move on to the next act, and itinerate,

Again and again –

Tweak it here, and there

And over time, viola, we stumble upon the Holy Grail.

 

If there is one thing we wish we knew

Is to see each imperfect result, or outcome,

As a feedback on our progress,

Rather than feel and experience it,

As shame and dissatisfaction.

 

We would like our kids to know

That living life is just like making art –

That you do something,

With the possibility that it may, or may not work –

And that it is okay if it doesn’t,

But continue to itinerate and pivot,

Until you get it right.

 

Every lover of travel will tell you,

That they are always getting lost,

And missing directions,

Or, getting disappointed…

But they have not stopped travelling.

 

Every gardener will tell you,

That they have tried many varieties and failed,

Or, they deeply love a certain plant or flower,

But it is not doing well in their garden,

Or, they have come to see that it doesn’t fit

In their garden.

 

Such is life!

 

We would like to lift off

The heavy bucket of dissatisfaction and shame,

Off the shoulders of our kids,

By teaching them

To normalize failure, and imperfect progress –

That we, too, do not know what we are doing,

That we are not all-knowing,

Or sure-footed, every time;

And some of what has worked for us,

May not work for them,

And that they should feel free to explore,

And itinerate when it doesn’t pun out.

 

In business, it is the firm 

That itinerates most often and fastest, 

That's most successful and sustainable.

In nature, it is the species

That itinerates (adapts) most often and fastest,

That survives.

In sports, its the player who itinerates the most

That becomes a legend (Ask Michael Jordan).

And so it is with life.

We would like them to know

That their life is special and unique,

And not a commodity,

They can buy off cheaply on the street;

And that, just like a gardener,

They must keep tilling, planting, 

Watering and weeding,

Because the best harvest,

Is always, in the next season!

 

What would you like your kids to know?

*This reflection has been inspired by Dan Rockwell and Cedric Chin