COPING WITH PROFESSIONAL STRESS AS A COUPLE
We
are all familiar with the pressures of work and how this often leaks
into our personal lives.
These
pressures and stress can cause us to be impatient with our partners or kids, or
to neglect our duties at home.
The
mounting pressures to be a good partner and parent can
create a vicious cycle of anxiety that makes work stress even harder to handle.
There
are countless examples of couples who have been driven to the edge by
work-related stress, often to the breaking point of divorce.
But
this doesn’t have to happen.
We
are social beings who tend to be happier when connected to others.
Our
romantic partners are, almost by definition, the persons on whom we rely on to
provide the support we need to be balanced individuals.
Here
are a few things you can do to reduce the effect of stress on your personal
relationships.
Listen and support.
We
have all, at one time or another, experienced the catharsis that comes from a friend or a partner simply letting us
talk through our problems, and encouraging us through active listening.
Silence
can be one of the most powerful forms of communication. And asking thoughtful
questions can help your partner gain clarity and come to his or her own
conclusions.
Research
has found that partners who are supportive and practice active listening when their counterparts share bad
events, maintain better relationships and have fewer arguments.
Recognize and respect different
coping mechanisms.
Partners
often cope with stress differently. Recognize
that you and your partner may have different ways of dealing with stress, and
there isn’t necessarily a “right” way of coping with it.
Identifying and working with those
differences is essential to productively dealing with stress.
Try
to accept those differences and then find ways to accommodate one another.
Kill comparisons.
There
are at least two types of comparisons couples usually make which can enhance rather than
counteract stress.
First,
resist the urge to compare yourself or your partner to others i.e. judging your
success relative to others. This can lead to doubt, inadequacy, and worry, and
it’s a poor substitute for internal motivation.
Second,
don’t succumb to the temptation to compare stress levels with your partner.
When
you’ve had a long day and your partner is talking through his or her stresses,
it’s tempting to let your partner know just how much bigger and more important
your own issues are.
But
that only creates tension.
Learn
to simply listen and offer help to your partner. And try to solicit your
partner’s help and empathy in your own stress without drawing direct
comparisons or judging which is more important.
Each
partner is an equal, and all stressors are valid and important.
Be
active together.
Find
common activities you can do as a couple and use this time to catch up and talk
through your days.
Taking
an afternoon stroll, jogging or helping with the cooking or washing the dishes
are good activities for couples.
Getting
active together is a great stress reliever. Even moderate physical activity can
lead to mood-enhancement and lower levels of stress.
And
numerous studies have confirmed exercise as an effective way to enhance mood
and fight depression.
Exercising
together kills two birds with one stone, allowing you to stay physically active
and spend more time together.
Find time to cheat (on your job
and your kids!).
Remember,
you are with your partner because you love them — you like to spend time with
them, talk to them, and share with them.
But
often, partners get in a rut. Work piles up. The kids need chaperoning to
soccer practices and school events. And the easiest thing to cut out is often
one-on-one time with each other.
Downtime
can improve physical and mental health and time together away from kids is just
as important as time away from work.
So
find time to connect as a couple away from the office and outside the home.
Make sure that in sacrificing for work and family, you’re not sacrificing all
the benefits of being a couple and the stress relief that comes with it.
Laugh together.
Shared
humor is both a way to strengthen a relationship, and a key “repair”
for couples in conflict. Humor is also an important strategy for dealing with stress.
Studies
have shown that laughter can alter your mood and soothe your stress response.
Life’s
problems are hard, but when couples learn to tease one another, to laugh,
and to use humor to confront life’s difficult issues, they may also manage
their relationship and their professional anxieties better.
These
are just a few ways in which couples can more effectively manage professional
stress together.
Each
couple will have to find their own solutions, but learning to cope with stress
together is a fundamental skill for thriving at work and at home.
Adapted
from an article by Jackie Coleman and John Coleman in the HBR Blog Network
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