THE 3 MAJOR PROBLEMS WITH STRESS AND HOW TO SOLVE THEM
Most of us are normally professional, focused, empathetic, thoughtful and rational for most of the
time.
But,
occasionally, we lose control.
We
might, for example, send out an inappropriately aggressive email or raise our
voices at our spouses, kids, colleagues, or even a customer.
It
might look like we have an anger problem. But the truth is, we don’t!
It’s
just that we are stressed up!
If
you pause for a moment to feel your stress, you will recognize it, quite
literally, as energy flowing in your body.
It
manifests itself as excitement. Sometimes it is a sense of urgency or anxiety or fear.
Other times it is naked adrenaline running through our veins.
We
live with this energy all the time, and, typically, it’s useful — it keeps us on
our toes and ready for action.
But,
periodically, our stress levels rise well beyond its useful levels. And it is during
these moments that we can easily lose control of our actions.
In
such moments, you merely need to open your email and read something that annoys
you and BOOM! Your anger just explodes!
This is the first major problem
with stress. We are rarely aware or conscious of our stress levels.
Let’s
now consider the following real life example.
“I
knew that I probably shouldn’t send the email I had just written. I had written
it in anger and frustration, and I knew that sending it would be a dumb thing
to do.
Still,
I really wanted to send it. So I forwarded it to a friend, who knew the
situation, with the subject line: Should I send this?
She
responded almost immediately: ‘Don’t send it tonight. If you feel like you need
to send it tonight, then I think it is for the wrong reasons. Make sense?’
Yep,
I responded. Thanks.
Three
minutes later I sent it and bcc’d her.
She
was flabbergasted: You changed your mind that fast?!?!?
Nope,
I responded. My mind is in total agreement with you. But my mind didn’t send
the email, my emotions did. And they feel so much better!”
This is the second major problem
with stress. When you are stressed, your rational mind doesn’t stand a chance.
It’s like trying to use intellectual arguments to talk down a stampeding bull.
Most
of us think we can control stress. But that’s a mistake.
The
truth is that reason and stress speak different languages.
Reason
is intellectual; stress is physical.
Reason
favors words and rationalizing; stress prefers action.
Our
minds can advise us all they want, but our emotions have the upper hand.
In
fact, the more our minds try to curtail our stress, the more volatile it
becomes.
The
interesting thing is after the explosion, we relax. The monster has escaped but
not without consequences.
And this is the third major
problem with stress. By the time we are conscious that what we are experiencing
is negative stress, the damage is already done.
And that damage is mostly in
our people relationships, particularly with the very people we care about.
This
can cause a dangerous spiral. This is because, whether we are aware of it or not,
we all crave for connectedness. This is what keeps us anchored.
If
today you found yourself with no close friends and no family or relatives to
turn to, you will be literally lost. And this can spiral quickly into
depression.
Many
of us try to manage or ignore our stress. We attempt to push it down, put it
aside, breathe through it, or rise above it.
All
these responses only encourage the monster to grow and, usually, unnoticed.
Eventually, without fully understanding why, we get sick or explode or burn
out.
The
problems we have cited above shows why it is so difficult to handle stress
and stress related problems.
Firstly,
because stress lives in us and is mostly useful, we do not recognize it when it
is about to boil over.
Secondly, since stress is usually an emotional call to
action, it is difficult to control intellectually. It just erupts.
And finally,
once that happens, the damage is already done.
The
question we then need to answer is: How can we release the pressure of
something we are not consciously aware of, without doing damage in the process?
The solution is: don’t try to control
your stress. Instead, dance with it.
The
monster wants out? Let it out. But do so on your terms.
This
is what wellness is all about.
Personal
wellness is about developing habits and behaviors that help you to align your
body, mind and soul with the things you care about.
These
habits, like exercising or scheduling time for self-reflection, do not do away
with stress. But they help you keep it within the useful parameters.
It
is very difficult for you to boil over the demands of your children - whom we
all love but happen to be amazingly skilled at pushing our buttons - if you are
just from a walk or a yoga session.
The
stress will still be there, but you will probably cope with the situation
better.
Imagine
taking on the habit of starting each day with thoughts of gratitude for what
you have. You will still probably have an hectic day at work, but those
positive thoughts are likely to enable you cope better.
If
you eat healthy food, have some good sleep and find time to get connected with
your loved ones and friends, the chances are that your passions will be more
aligned with what you value, and you will be better at dancing with the
stresses of each day.
That
does not mean we won’t boil over from time to time. That too is human.
But
that’s where self-reflection plays a critical part. It allows us an opportunity
to reflect on our actions, our motives and what we need to do to repair any
damaged relationships.
Journaling
is also a good habit for self-reflection. It allows us to put into words what
we really feel deep inside us.
Remember
that stress is a call to action. Therefore, one of the most effective ways of
handling negative stress is to sweat it out.
Find
positive ways to get out that energy, like jogging, hitting the gym or whatever
else that you fancy that involves some physical activity.
Finally,
if you find yourself experiencing negative stress too often, know that this is a
sign that you need to change.
Review
your lifestyle and habits and you will always find the thing triggering it
somewhere there.
If you can’t find it on your own, seek some help from a professional
or someone you trust.
The bottom line is: stress is
good and it is here to stay. Personal wellness helps you to ensure your
experiences of stress remain good and serve you well.
Health
and wellness is not just a fad. It is the best way to keep us feeling energetic
and balanced.
What is your wellness program? Do you have any?
Remember: we are not usually conscious of negative stress until it is too late.
Don't wait up on your personal wellness. tart cultivating the right habits now!
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