Words that caught me: E is for Enforcers
Let’s
play a little game.
Take
a blank piece of paper.
Draw three columns on it.
Label
column one: “What does society tells me, matters?”
Column
two: “Who tells me that?”
Column
three: “What really matters to me?”
Now
start listing your answers under each column.
Notice anything?
I
suppose under column one, you’ve listed
Good
looks, a fat bank account,
A big
house at some exclusive neighbourhood,
A flashy
car...and things like that, right?
My guess
is that under column two, you’ve listed
Television,
fashion and lifestyle magazines,
Facebook,
Instagram, celebrities,
Friends, neighbours, school…and such like, right?
Good.
We are doing fine, so far.
Now
to the last column…
I
suppose you paused here a little, to think.
And
my guess is that you listed
Family, well behaved and responsible kids,
A good and loving relationship,
Good health, a fulfilling and meaningful career,
Travel and adventure...and so on, right?
This is more about your
life dreams and passion, correct?
I
also suspect you’ve struggled with it just a little, haven’t you?
So,
back to my question: what do you see now?
Would
I be correct to say that column three almost stands alone –
That
it seems like it has little or no relationship
With column one and two?
I
think you are now beginning to see
Where
we are going with this.
Column
one is conformity and status quo.
And
it consists of external expressions
Of what
society has defined as success.
Column
two are the tools that society uses
To
influence and pressure us
To
conform to these behaviors, and
ways of thinking.
Seth
Godin calls these tools 'Organized Learning'.
Deb
Mills calls them 'Enforcers'.
It’s
one and the same thing.
Now, let’s
get back to column three.
This
is our true selves.
This
reflects who we truly are, and what we value.
Here
is where our dreams, passion and purpose live.
Here
is where we find meaning and fulfillment.
True
or false?
Let’s
unpack this a little further.
I
think there are two key insights
We
can draw from this little exercise.
Look
at your entries.
Which
column is longer?
If
you are thorough, column two will be the longest.
And it’s
also very easy to fill.
Why? And
how so?
Here’s
the first key insight;
Column
two is the enforcer column.
It
exists to push you and me into column one!
It is
the power behind column one.
Without
column two, column one falls apart.
This
is the voice of society.
This
is culture.
This
is organized learning.
And it’s
everywhere…but we are mostly
Unconscious
of its power and influence.
It’s like
the air you breathe.
Everywhere…but
invisible!
Here’s
the second insight:
If
you are serious about
Wanting to live your life in column three,
Then
you’ll need to add another column – a fourth column –
And
list down all the enforcers that you’ll use,
To egg and push
you to live in column three.
And something else...you'll need to
Deliberately and consciously make these, more powerful,
Than
the enforcers in column two.
Without
that - if
you are not attentive and deliberate with it -
You’ll
always find yourself pushed back,
And squeezed into column one,
Will come
to naught!
The
trick to realizing your dreams,
And
living life on your terms,
And
to living a life that honours your true self
Is in
the enforcers you choose for column three.
“The
work of our lives is to respect column three enough,
To
surround ourselves with enough column three enforcers,
That
we (always) choose that, over column one.”
What
enforcers have you designed into your life,
To
help you keep living in column three?
*This post was inspired by Deb Mills-Scofield's Lightning Notes
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