Words that caught us: What would you like your kids to know? (Part 9)

 

There’s a guy called Erich Fromm.

He penned down something interesting

About adulting

And the freedom paradox.

 

Can we chat about that for moment?

 

According to Fromm,

There are two kinds of freedoms:

Freedom FROM

And freedom TO.

 

Freedom FROM is negative freedom;

That is, freedom from a constraint or restriction.

 

Freedom TO is positive freedom;

That is, taking creative responsibility for something.

 

As a child, you were conceived

And raised in a palace.

That is, all your basic needs

Were catered for, from conception,

To early adulthood.

 

In the teens,

A child begins their search for identity

And a fight for independence.

That is, freedom FROM the direction,

And influence of their parents, and society.

 

At 18, society accepts them as adults,

And they grab their new found freedom with relish...

But only for a moment.

 

Soon, they come face to face,

With the responsibilities,

That freedom imposes on them.

 

Before adulthood,

They could blame someone

For everything under the sun.

Before adulthood,

They depended on others

To make all life choices for them -

What to eat, what to wear,

When to go out, when to go home,

Where to shop, what to buy –

And now, with their new-found freedom FROM,

They suddenly find themselves with the responsibility

To make all these choices for themselves.

Now, buck stops with them.

And this is unnerving for many.

 

They soon realize

That there is an immutable law to adulting –  

The more freedom you achieve,

The more responsibilities you assume!

 

Freedom FROM, begets freedom TO -

That is, negative freedom is always accompanied

By responsibility –

Freedom to think for yourself

Freedom to pursue you passion and purpose,

Freedom to make good life choices,

Freedom to achieve our full potential,

Freedom to be creative,

Freedom to learn and be well-informed,

Freedom to be a good citizen,

Freedom to be happy...etc.

 

The successful ones embrace the creative responsibility

Implicit in freedom TO,

And find its expression in love and work.

 

The unsuccessful ones are dumbstruck and overwhelmed,

By the sheer weight of this creative responsibility,

And, ultimately, attempt to escape from it,

Through various coping mechanisms,

Like conformity and destructive behaviors.

 

This is the paradox of freedom.

We crave and fight for it,

But once we have it,

We, then, strive to escape from its responsibilities.

 

Most of the problems you are likely to face in life

Will revolve around this paradox:

Whether you choose to embrace freedom To,

Or, to escape from it.

 

If you have ever wondered why,

Some otherwise intelligent people,

Sink into destructive behaviors,

Or, are unkind drivers,

Or, fail to mature into responsible adults,

Or, vote for, and believe in lies,

Or, are easily co-opted into supporting repression,

Then you now know –

These are the ones who are overwhelmed

By the responsibilities that freedom imposes on them,

And have chosen, instead, to escape from freedom!

 

Please, don’t be one of them!

*Today's reflection is inspired by this brief from Brain-Pickings by Maria Popova.